City sick with
July mist
self inflicted isolation
two fernets
wants a man in my bed
one with broad shoulders and
soft skin, please
if you don’t mind me asking
Remember the pea salad they serve in the deli at
Rosauers in White Salmon
The one with bacon and mayonnaise that
I always ate before camping
And remember that Old Country Buffet and Izzie’s
salad bar bliss with single daddy putting a face on for his
daughter’s comfortableness
Men were always better to me
than women
“You know, honey, your mom cheated on me with another man and
I walked in on it” he said,
“Let me treat you to prime rib, sweet baby darlin,
you could eat 10 whole ounces at just five years old”
And remember the metal slides at the playground, the
hair sticker uppers and hotel beds that were
better than her apartments but
I didn’t care because I
wanted
her
near me
And now I’m writing my own
biographies of regret
of too many moments convening with the pavement when
the pavement never wanted me, she said
get that degree
get that second degree
stop being so self deprecating when
your back hurts and your lungs are sore from
barely even smoking
you baby
And I can’t tell if it’s me talking
or you
or him
or her
or an audible collection of all the remembrances
pooling together and
My hips are sore from these fucking hills
this forced running career, this masochistic style
pleasure now and pain tomorrow but at least
poetically inspiring and
I’m city sick
sick with the fever to be out in the world
to run from the walls that sucked me in and
home was never really a happy place and so
I say my body isn’t meant for home but more so
publicity
admiring
juke box baby swaying and singing and
always cracking neck and back after Eric the
bald headed man adjusted my growing bones
at just eight years old when
“not a home body” really took form and
now I’m wondering if I even feel
at home in
my own
body
Only ever wanted to be home to protect her though
I’d rather have been in the foam pit at the gym or
hidden in grandpa’s old tractor tire or
up there in the woods by the well before
I got scared of mountain lions
but now
I’m city sick
fear of mountain lions now fear of being hit
by a car in Oakland
in the walls of a place so toxic and
so inspiring
especially in the midst of this suffocating
July mist
So I drink two fernets
bring a man to my bed
one with broad shoulders and
soft skin
please, if
you don’t mind me asking